i don't like sucking hair
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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