That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
