Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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