I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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