i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
