In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
