I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Randomize
