I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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