I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
