why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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