How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
