After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Someone signed my nipple.
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