Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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