I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
