So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
