I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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