Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
