You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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