i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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