billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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