pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
