when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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