alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
