i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
