yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
