I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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