I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
