She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
