I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
