try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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