There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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