I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
