i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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