Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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