Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
