Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
