I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize