Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
