It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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