our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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