He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
