I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i barfeds in our rink
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize