Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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