I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's great music for shaving your balls
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
