I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Barsexuality is the new black.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize