you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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