WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
