I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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