So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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