I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
