Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
