how do flat chested girls get laid?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
