i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
