I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
