You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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