I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
