32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??