she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.