hotel room ftw
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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