I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We need a shit load of segways right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.