Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
