shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
