I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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