Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
