dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
