I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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