Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
