why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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