Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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