I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
